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问题:
问题描述:
请英语高手帮我点评我的这篇英语四级作文.(语法和用词)万分感谢
1:大学生出去旅游经常会选择“自助游”
2:分析大学生选择“自助游”的原因
3:你的看法
Nowadays,moreandmorecollegestudentswillchooseself-helptravelinsteadoftravelwithagroupwhentheywanttospareatimetorelaxthemselves.
Self-helptravel,onecanenjoymorefreedom.Thetravelerscanarrangetheirtourastheywisheswithoutthelimitoftravelagency.Moreover,theycanbuysomethingbythemselvesandavoidthecompulsoryconsumption.Atlast,ifthestudentslikeabeautifulscenicandtheywillhavemoretimetoleaveitandtakeaphotograph.
Astome,Iprefertothetravelwithagroup.Firstly,itcansavemoremoney.Secondly,Iliketosharethepleasureoftravelingwithothers.Lastly,wecandealwiththepossibleproblemsanddifficultiesbetterinthejourney.
李丙锋回答:
不要老用nowadays感觉很傻.并且不要写这么又长又不通顺的话一句话包含了两个意思就拆成两句话写.
可以这样写.
Currently,moreandmorecollegestudentschoosestotravelontheirownratherthantravelpackedbytravelingagency.Thisisbecausetheywanttimetorelax.
第二段以一句话改成被动语句.
Freedomwouldbereleasediftheself-travelinghasbeenchosen.
第二句话
Thetravelerscanmanagethetouringtimearbitrarilywithoutanyconsiderationontimelimit.
不要写atlast,就Thus,moretimewillbegivenforpeopletotakephotosandenjoythescenery.(这句话接在第二句后面都是讲的时间并且这个是没有时间限制的一个结果.真是逻辑真混乱)
然后再Moreover,travelerscanbuystuffswithouttheorientationimposedbythetravellingagency.Thiswillmaximizethebenefitofthetravellers.不要老是they.而且这句话一点都不通顺
Astome可以删了.一看就是很不专业的用法.什么Asknowntoall啊这些词语在写作尽量不要用看着很低级.
直接However,Iprefer...不要it,this都要好点.pleasure改成happiness
差不多这些.写作还是要注意一个逻辑.当然语言是慢慢训练过来的大学了写作要摆脱中学老师教的那种思维还有那些弱智般的词汇.